Reader, I am in a very bad way...
I've never felt so much pain and I wish I were dreaming. Because even the worst nightmares end when you wake up. I fear I'll be feeling this pain forever.
In November of 2008, I made the biggest mistake of my entire life. I betrayed the trust and wounded the heart of the most important person in the world to me. I hate myself...and I will continue to hate myself until the day I die.
All he ever did was love me...and I spat in his face. Now, almost 7 months later, it's finally come to this.
We tried to work it out. He was too hurt I think...I ruined the best thing that's ever happened to me and I cant take it back. I have so much anger towards myself and this other person. I wish I never knew of his existence.
To this day I cant tell you why...I know I was a little confused and uncertain about our relationship. And its no excuse...I know. I just wish I hadn't been so naive...and stupid.
I just want to talk to him and tell him I'm sorry. But he's heard it all before...and he's made up his mind.
Reader, how could I have done this to us? He's the only one...the only one I've ever wanted to spend eternity with...there will never be another.
I can't write anymore...I can't even see straight...
If you see him...tell him I will always love him...
Brittany
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Steady Rollin'
Two blogs in two days??
I know, I know. You're welcome.
Here I am at work again. I just ate my NutriSystem meal. There isn't much food on the NutriSystem plan that I prefer over "normal" food, but their beef tacos are amazing. I know that when I get off this diet, I will crave this particular meal. But until then , Iwill enjoy it.
Something ELSE I will enjoy is this music I'm listening to. I'm in a strange musical mood this evening. My Pandora radio station includes songs by the Pixies, Two Gallants and Modest Mouse. It's pretty cool.
You should know, Reader, that I started this blog at around 9 pm. I'm finding little to write about so this may go on for a while. Just so you're aware. I'm not sure why you would need to be aware. But I'm glad you are.
There seems to be alot going on tonight in the world of security. I don't have as much time on my hands as I usually do. But the night is young, Reader, rest assured I'll find the time for you.
Ah, a break. Because of my mood last night, I forgot to tell you the good news! Do you remenber the open mic night I was telling you about? Well, I didn't mention this, but the woman who hosts it very strongly resembles country music star Gretchen Wilson. So much so, in fact, that she got a job in Las Vegas as a Gretchen Wilson impersonator. She leaves in either 2 weeks or 2 months. I'm very excited for her. But MY good news is, she wants me to be "the singer" while she's gone. Meaning, there would at least be SOMEone to sing, in case no one shows up. She said maybe after while, if they like me, I can possibly take her place as host. Can you imagine, Reader? "Come on down and showcase your talent at Brittany Brown's Open Mic Night!" Oh...the excitement is almost too much. I do, of course, realize that any number of things could happen to make this not go the way I plan, but for now I'm just glad I have something to do every wednesday night. Maybe one night I'll even see you there? Wear a t-shirt that says "Reader" so I'll know who you are. :)
I believe I've said all that I can say for one night. I'll meet you back here tomorrow night for more. Bon sior, Reader.
~Brittany
I know, I know. You're welcome.
Here I am at work again. I just ate my NutriSystem meal. There isn't much food on the NutriSystem plan that I prefer over "normal" food, but their beef tacos are amazing. I know that when I get off this diet, I will crave this particular meal. But until then , Iwill enjoy it.
Something ELSE I will enjoy is this music I'm listening to. I'm in a strange musical mood this evening. My Pandora radio station includes songs by the Pixies, Two Gallants and Modest Mouse. It's pretty cool.
You should know, Reader, that I started this blog at around 9 pm. I'm finding little to write about so this may go on for a while. Just so you're aware. I'm not sure why you would need to be aware. But I'm glad you are.
There seems to be alot going on tonight in the world of security. I don't have as much time on my hands as I usually do. But the night is young, Reader, rest assured I'll find the time for you.
Ah, a break. Because of my mood last night, I forgot to tell you the good news! Do you remenber the open mic night I was telling you about? Well, I didn't mention this, but the woman who hosts it very strongly resembles country music star Gretchen Wilson. So much so, in fact, that she got a job in Las Vegas as a Gretchen Wilson impersonator. She leaves in either 2 weeks or 2 months. I'm very excited for her. But MY good news is, she wants me to be "the singer" while she's gone. Meaning, there would at least be SOMEone to sing, in case no one shows up. She said maybe after while, if they like me, I can possibly take her place as host. Can you imagine, Reader? "Come on down and showcase your talent at Brittany Brown's Open Mic Night!" Oh...the excitement is almost too much. I do, of course, realize that any number of things could happen to make this not go the way I plan, but for now I'm just glad I have something to do every wednesday night. Maybe one night I'll even see you there? Wear a t-shirt that says "Reader" so I'll know who you are. :)
I believe I've said all that I can say for one night. I'll meet you back here tomorrow night for more. Bon sior, Reader.
~Brittany
Aha.
We meet again.
I like blogging. It's so much better than the instant message because it's like I'm talking to someone who isn't trying to get their 2 cents in. You're a reader. You're a really good listener. You don't have much to say at the moment. You just want to hear me talk. You'll say your piece when I'm done via comment. Or you wont. Doesn't matter. It's a beautiful thing.
I'm at work again. I'm feeling really at peace with myself for some reason. I was a little sad earlier because I just think too much sometimes. But, it's funny, 2 things happened just now that I think made all the difference. I ate a salad, and I think that eating well and knowing you've eaten well just makes you feel better. I feel like I've done something good for myself, for once, and even if only for a moment, I'm a better person for it.
Also, I heard a song. I didn't choose this song. A short series of events led me to it. The song is called Sea of Love, and this particular version is by Cat Power. Most people would know it from the movie Juno. It put me at peace and I have a couple of Regesters to thank for that.
Reader, why do I think so much? Is it because I don't think I deserve to be happy, so I fabricate problems and hurt my relationships? Or, Reader...are the problems not made up at all? Is my alleged paranoia derived from truth, or am I simply a victim of my own self-sabotage? I wish I knew, because something needs to be done. I must find out the truth, or else I may regret the decision I have to make.
Where's Dr. Phil when you need him?
All that being said, I'd like to learn to play guitar.
I love you Reader. I really do.
Goodnight.
~Brittany
I like blogging. It's so much better than the instant message because it's like I'm talking to someone who isn't trying to get their 2 cents in. You're a reader. You're a really good listener. You don't have much to say at the moment. You just want to hear me talk. You'll say your piece when I'm done via comment. Or you wont. Doesn't matter. It's a beautiful thing.
I'm at work again. I'm feeling really at peace with myself for some reason. I was a little sad earlier because I just think too much sometimes. But, it's funny, 2 things happened just now that I think made all the difference. I ate a salad, and I think that eating well and knowing you've eaten well just makes you feel better. I feel like I've done something good for myself, for once, and even if only for a moment, I'm a better person for it.
Also, I heard a song. I didn't choose this song. A short series of events led me to it. The song is called Sea of Love, and this particular version is by Cat Power. Most people would know it from the movie Juno. It put me at peace and I have a couple of Regesters to thank for that.
Reader, why do I think so much? Is it because I don't think I deserve to be happy, so I fabricate problems and hurt my relationships? Or, Reader...are the problems not made up at all? Is my alleged paranoia derived from truth, or am I simply a victim of my own self-sabotage? I wish I knew, because something needs to be done. I must find out the truth, or else I may regret the decision I have to make.
Where's Dr. Phil when you need him?
All that being said, I'd like to learn to play guitar.
I love you Reader. I really do.
Goodnight.
~Brittany
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Starting Over
Alright, so I realize that I'm a big blog neglector. But I'm in a situation now that almost requires me to have something worthwhile to do with my time, so I should be keeping up now. I'll explain later. Next comes a few biographical paragraphs to sort of catch you up, if you will.
So, last we spoke, I said I had a second interview. I'm a little ashamed to admit I have NO idea what I was talking about. So no news on that....BUT I can deliver news on my current job. I now work the night shift as a dispatcher for a security company in Dallas. Some night are really exciting and eventful, but there are also some nights that absolutly nothing happens. Thus, giving me a large amount of free time on my hands. (That was me explaining the aformentioned "situation.") It's a pretty good job, 40 hours a week and good pay. I rather like it. As far as the whole, "me 'getting better' at cleaning and cooking" and whatnot, I SUPPOSE I'm still not as bad as I was, but I'm no Suzy Homemaker. But I don't need to do much cooking anymore anyway because my boyfriend and I both are dieting. Which brings me to my next news story.
Today is day 1 of my NutriSystem diet. So far its going well. Status report: I'm HUNGRY. But I will NOT give in. I'm going to work at this and develop a body that I can be proud of. (Or at least not be disgusted by.) I will keep you updated as the months go by. My goal is to lose 100 lbs before this time next year. That may be a bit far-fetched and I may even change my mind if I'm satisfied before I reach my goal. But as it stands now, that is what I will strive for. Wish me luck!
I'm still with my wonderful boyfriend and still living in Plano. So not much has changed there. I've recently started going to an open mic night at a BBQ place in Farmer's Branch to sing for country folk while they enjoy Texas BBQ at it's finest. I met a girl on MySpace who actually is the host of the open mic night and she liked my voice and asked me to come on down. It's really fun and singing is my favorite thing to do so Wednesday nights are pretty exciting for me now.
Anyway, I suppose that catches you up enough. I'll blog atcha later. Until then, I hope you enjoyed my most recent ramblings.
Seacrest, out.
I mean...nvm
So, last we spoke, I said I had a second interview. I'm a little ashamed to admit I have NO idea what I was talking about. So no news on that....BUT I can deliver news on my current job. I now work the night shift as a dispatcher for a security company in Dallas. Some night are really exciting and eventful, but there are also some nights that absolutly nothing happens. Thus, giving me a large amount of free time on my hands. (That was me explaining the aformentioned "situation.") It's a pretty good job, 40 hours a week and good pay. I rather like it. As far as the whole, "me 'getting better' at cleaning and cooking" and whatnot, I SUPPOSE I'm still not as bad as I was, but I'm no Suzy Homemaker. But I don't need to do much cooking anymore anyway because my boyfriend and I both are dieting. Which brings me to my next news story.
Today is day 1 of my NutriSystem diet. So far its going well. Status report: I'm HUNGRY. But I will NOT give in. I'm going to work at this and develop a body that I can be proud of. (Or at least not be disgusted by.) I will keep you updated as the months go by. My goal is to lose 100 lbs before this time next year. That may be a bit far-fetched and I may even change my mind if I'm satisfied before I reach my goal. But as it stands now, that is what I will strive for. Wish me luck!
I'm still with my wonderful boyfriend and still living in Plano. So not much has changed there. I've recently started going to an open mic night at a BBQ place in Farmer's Branch to sing for country folk while they enjoy Texas BBQ at it's finest. I met a girl on MySpace who actually is the host of the open mic night and she liked my voice and asked me to come on down. It's really fun and singing is my favorite thing to do so Wednesday nights are pretty exciting for me now.
Anyway, I suppose that catches you up enough. I'll blog atcha later. Until then, I hope you enjoyed my most recent ramblings.
Seacrest, out.
I mean...nvm
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Bloggity, blog, blog..
So today I didn't do anything.
It was all could do to muster up the will to do the dishes.
I'm a slob.
BUT, in my defense, I've been doing so much better lately! I'm not as lazy as I used to be, I've been cleaning and cooking (every once in a while) and I EVEN have an interview tomorrow! A SECOND interview, mind you. I hold high hopes for this job too. It pays fairly well and it doesn't suck! Can I get a holla? Wish me luck! Anywho, I'm just trying to say I like my life now. It just keeps getting better and better.
Also my cat is sleeping next to me. On her back! She's like a little person! I love her.
That is all..
PEACEOUT
Britt
It was all could do to muster up the will to do the dishes.
I'm a slob.
BUT, in my defense, I've been doing so much better lately! I'm not as lazy as I used to be, I've been cleaning and cooking (every once in a while) and I EVEN have an interview tomorrow! A SECOND interview, mind you. I hold high hopes for this job too. It pays fairly well and it doesn't suck! Can I get a holla? Wish me luck! Anywho, I'm just trying to say I like my life now. It just keeps getting better and better.
Also my cat is sleeping next to me. On her back! She's like a little person! I love her.
That is all..
PEACEOUT
Britt
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
For Grant
This next post, I dedicate to my good friend Grant. You're a good friend, Grant.
(and its not just because you're the only person who reads this)
(....ok kinda)
Anyway!
My birthday is this Saturday! I'm really excited! I'm having this little gathering that I payed too much for with all my friends that I love and adore. (Except a few that'll be there that I just kinda like a little bit and sometimes secretly want them to forget about my party)
...heh (not you, Grant)
BUT YEAH. It's gonna be pretty cool.
So I worked today. Fun stuff. Of course when I say 'fun stuff' I mean, it's boring as hell. At least it was today. Usually I at least have a slightly amusing co-worker to be entertained by. Today I was all by my lonesome while my boss was doing something undoubtedly related to the fact that shes Asian. (I love her) Lemme just give you a list of all the things I did at work today:
1. I stared into space for alot of the time
2. I texted a few people, including my mom.
3. I rearranged the donuts a few times.
4. I ate a donut.
5. I regretted eating the donut.
5. I made myself a drink.
6. I drank my drink.
7. I could go on but just making this list is boring to me, I can imagine the pain the ONE person that reads my blog must feel reading it.
Anywho, I think I'm gonna tell you a little bit about my favorite comedian, Maria Bamford.
She's funny.
So, my sister's visiting now because she lives in the Houston area and Ike kinda took a big steamy shit over there. But I'm glad to have her. She makes this place seem a little less like the Underworld.
Anyway I think I'm going to wrap up this post. It's long enough, dont you think Grant?
Yeah.
Goodnight!
Britt
(and its not just because you're the only person who reads this)
(....ok kinda)
Anyway!
My birthday is this Saturday! I'm really excited! I'm having this little gathering that I payed too much for with all my friends that I love and adore. (Except a few that'll be there that I just kinda like a little bit and sometimes secretly want them to forget about my party)
...heh (not you, Grant)
BUT YEAH. It's gonna be pretty cool.
So I worked today. Fun stuff. Of course when I say 'fun stuff' I mean, it's boring as hell. At least it was today. Usually I at least have a slightly amusing co-worker to be entertained by. Today I was all by my lonesome while my boss was doing something undoubtedly related to the fact that shes Asian. (I love her) Lemme just give you a list of all the things I did at work today:
1. I stared into space for alot of the time
2. I texted a few people, including my mom.
3. I rearranged the donuts a few times.
4. I ate a donut.
5. I regretted eating the donut.
5. I made myself a drink.
6. I drank my drink.
7. I could go on but just making this list is boring to me, I can imagine the pain the ONE person that reads my blog must feel reading it.
Anywho, I think I'm gonna tell you a little bit about my favorite comedian, Maria Bamford.
She's funny.
So, my sister's visiting now because she lives in the Houston area and Ike kinda took a big steamy shit over there. But I'm glad to have her. She makes this place seem a little less like the Underworld.
Anyway I think I'm going to wrap up this post. It's long enough, dont you think Grant?
Yeah.
Goodnight!
Britt
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Learned a new word!
Hello again!
So today was not much more eventful than yesterday. Although, as the title says, I learned a new word!
Ennui, pronounced "ahn-wee" is basically translated into one of the most used words in my vocabulary: bored.
How appropriate.
I also made a couple new friends today. Friends of friends, if you will. I look forward to getting to know them better.
Ahhh...what to say, what to say....
I've been doing alot of missing of the boyfriend. Yes, its true. I'm "one of those." He's the light of my life, without him I'd be...less.
That's enough of that mushy stuff! I'm now watching a show on BBC called Gavin & Stacey. It's....british.
I do believe I've written enough for tonight. I now have to go to Kroger to get a giant case of Aquafina for my mom because the 3 bottles that we have left "wont last her through the night."
For cryin out loud...
Until next time!
Britt
So today was not much more eventful than yesterday. Although, as the title says, I learned a new word!
Ennui, pronounced "ahn-wee" is basically translated into one of the most used words in my vocabulary: bored.
How appropriate.
I also made a couple new friends today. Friends of friends, if you will. I look forward to getting to know them better.
Ahhh...what to say, what to say....
I've been doing alot of missing of the boyfriend. Yes, its true. I'm "one of those." He's the light of my life, without him I'd be...less.
That's enough of that mushy stuff! I'm now watching a show on BBC called Gavin & Stacey. It's....british.
I do believe I've written enough for tonight. I now have to go to Kroger to get a giant case of Aquafina for my mom because the 3 bottles that we have left "wont last her through the night."
For cryin out loud...
Until next time!
Britt
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